Sibling relationships can be among the most rewarding — and the most challenging — connections in life. While strong bonds can lead to lifelong support and companionship, sibling rivalry can disrupt family harmony if left unaddressed. As parents, helping your children build positive relationships while managing inevitable conflicts can make all the difference.
The relationship between siblings starts as soon as a new baby is born — and often even before, as you prepare your first-born for the arrival of a brother or sister. There are several good books that can help with this. You can find a selection in the Resources Section under Helpful Books for Parents. We’ve also gathered a selection of beautiful storybooks that can help your child prepare for their new role as a big brother or sister: Books to Help Your Child Welcome a New Baby.
Building Strong Sibling Relationships
The bond between siblings is shaped by family dynamics, age gaps, and individual personalities. So what can you, as a parent, do to encourage a healthy relationship between your children? The best piece of advice I can give is to observe and adjust as necessary.
For example, when my son was born — less than 20 months after my daughter — I explained to my daughter that we must be gentle with the baby. As the months passed and the baby grew into a lively toddler, the dynamics changed. When they sat together in the double buggy, he would often pull her hair or scratch her. Because she had been taught to “be gentle with the baby,” she didn’t defend herself. At that point, it became important for him to learn that his older sister, too, deserved to be treated gently. Children’s needs and roles evolve over time — and parenting needs to evolve alongside them.
Encouraging positive sibling relationships takes time, flexibility, and attention, but it can create bonds that last a lifetime.
Balancing Individual Needs and Family Time
Each child is an individual with their own talents and interests. While it may seem convenient — especially logistically — to enrol siblings in the same activities, it’s often better to encourage them to pursue different interests. Allowing each child to shine in their own area helps to prevent rivalry and builds confidence.
It’s also important to spend moments of undivided attention with each child. You could take a younger child to the park while an older one is at football practice, or enjoy a story and an ice cream together after school. Or you might play a board game with your older child while the younger one is napping. However you arrange it, try to make sure each child feels seen, valued, and special.
At the same time, family traditions that include everyone can foster a sense of belonging. I know one family that held a weekly movie night. Every Friday, after school, they would cook something simple together — like pasta or pizza — and then settle down to watch a family-friendly film. The children always looked forward to Friday nights.
You might also consider regular Sunday walks, which can work particularly well if you have a dog to take along. These outings can combine exercise, family time, and simple ball games for younger children — and they help build a sense of togetherness. Whatever you choose, the important thing is that each child feels part of the family and that you are creating happy, lasting memories together.
Handling Sibling Rivalry
Even the closest siblings are bound to have disagreements from time to time. But if arguments become more frequent or intense, it’s worth taking a closer look at what might be causing them.
Short, informal chats where children can voice concerns can help prevent resentments from building up. Helping your children step into each other’s shoes — asking questions like, “How would you feel if…” — can foster empathy and understanding.
When conflicts arise, try not to take sides. Lead by example by staying calm and allowing each child to share their point of view. By doing this consistently, you’ll be teaching your children to work towards finding their own solutions.
Recognising Rivalry Triggers
New Sibling Arrival:
When you bring a new baby home, your older child may feel displaced or neglected. It’s important to reassure them that you love them just as much as before, even though the baby will demand a lot of your time and attention. Involve them in simple caregiving tasks, and explain that as the baby grows, they will have a little brother or sister who looks up to them.
Be prepared for some regression — your older child may mimic the baby’s behaviour to regain attention. This is natural. Acknowledge their feelings with patience and understanding, and help them feel included rather than replaced.
Perceived Favouritism:
Fairness does not mean treating your children identically. It means meeting each child’s unique needs. Giving the same present to each child might feel ‘fair’, but it often misses the point. Your son might be hoping for a new tennis racket, while your daughter dreams of a new bicycle. Understanding and supporting each child’s individual passions will help reduce jealousy and rivalry.
Strengthening the Sibling Bond
Sibling relationships are naturally a mixture of companionship and occasional conflict. With your guidance and support, your children can learn to navigate these ups and downs — and build bonds that will last a lifetime.
By encouraging individuality, spending one-on-one time, celebrating achievements, and helping your children resolve conflicts constructively, you are giving them the tools to build strong, positive relationships with each other — and a foundation for friendships that can endure long into adulthood.