The best parenting advice doesn’t always come from a book or an expert. Sometimes it comes from a simple story that sticks with you. Years ago, I came across an anecdote about a family who unwittingly taught their kitten to scratch the furniture whenever it wanted to go outside. They hadn’t meant to – they were just reacting in the moment, putting the kitten outside when it was scratching the furniture. But fifteen years later, that cat was still scratching the furniture when it wanted to go out – doing exactly what it had learned on day one.
And it hit me: parenting is like that. Every moment we spend with our children, we are teaching them something. Not just during the big conversations about right and wrong or the carefully chosen lessons on manners and responsibility—but in the everyday, offhand interactions that seem too small to matter.
The truth is, we’re always teaching. The question is: what are we teaching?
You may think you’re teaching kindness when you encourage your child to say something nice to someone. But if they overhear you criticising that same person behind their back, the lesson they absorb might be very different. They might learn that it’s fine to say one thing and believe another. That it’s okay to talk about people when they’re not there.
You might want to teach respect and responsibility when you ask your child to clean their room. But if your tone is angry and your reasoning is, “Because I said so,” they might instead learn that power lies in volume. That authority means getting your way. That being older means you don’t have to explain yourself.
And when you help someone on the street—even when it makes you late—you might worry that you’re sending the wrong message about punctuality. But what your child might actually learn is that kindness trumps schedules. That people matter more than plans. That helping is what we do.
It’s not about being perfect. None of us are. We all snap sometimes, say things we regret, model behaviours we wish we hadn’t. But once we realise that we are always teaching, we can start being more intentional about the messages we’re sending.
If your child’s behaviour frustrates you, ask yourself: Could they be copying something they’ve seen in me? Not as a way to place blame, but as a way to grow—together.
Children learn by imitation. They absorb more from how we live than from what we say. That can feel daunting, but it’s also empowering. Because it means the best way to raise kind, respectful, thoughtful children is to try our best to model those traits ourselves.
When my children were small, I often used to say something like, “Just do your best—that’s all you can do.” I didn’t think much of it at the time. But years later, when I was getting ready to take a test as part of career development, my young son looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, Mummy—just do your best. That’s all you can do.” He had been listening. He had been learning.
So next time your child does something unexpected, pause and reflect. What have they learned from watching you? And if it’s not the lesson you hoped for—what could you show them next time?
After all, parenting is made up of thousands of tiny moments. And each one teaches something.
Let’s make them count.